L'Chat du Nuit

Last night was absolutely fantastic.

     I went to a play party that was being hosted by a friend of mine.  At one point I watched a friend of mine and her owner play "trivial pursuit" in the dungeon.  She was restrained by her wrists and he put clover-clamp nipple clamps on her with a chain on it.  And every question she got wrong he added a weight, every question she got right he took one away.  After a few minutes, a lot of squirming, and a little yelping from her...he lets her go and makes her feel better (I guess she didn't like the clamps much).  Then he turns to me and asks me to play...well...how could I say no?  I remove my rings, my shirt, and my hat...and his wife puts me in similar restraints that he had his pet in.  My arms extended out and held up by chains that were connected to a support beam above my head...he added the clover-clams with the chain to me and the games began.  Same rules...or so I thought.

     I got through a couple of questions and he changed the rules, and shocked me for every question I got right.  The he added in a Violet Wand, an electric paddle, and then he made me hold an electrode while dragging various metal objects across me.  It even worked when he and his wife touched me...which felt absolutely amazing.  I know all of this sounds ridiculous...but I would recommend trying it at least once!

     All in all...it was a fantastic night...and I wish that I could have had a chance to play around more, but unfortunately it came to an end and I had to bid my friends farewell.  I can't wait until the next time...

     To tell you the truth, I've just been really unhappy about a great many things.  I look at the long road that lies ahead of me, and it makes me depressed.  Not because the journey is difficult, but because I feel I'll have to make this journey alone.

     I've felt alone for the longest time, even when I was a little kid.  It doesn't matter who I'm with or what I'm doing...the only thing I feel that connects me to anybody else around me is space...and that's all.  I feel so different from everyone, and I feel that nobody sees things the way I do, or feels the way I do about things.  I look at the world and I see a horrific place that could be changed.  I see the majority of people suffering needlessly at the hands of a minority.  Poverty, hunger, sickness...all things which are easily conquered.....are left unchecked; and, I feel that a great many people don't care.

     "The weight of the world bears heaviest upon the shoulders who dare defend it."  It's something I hear in my sleep, I can feel it everytime I see a homeless person on the street begging just so he or she can eat.  The words echo over and over, and yet I don't know what to do...or even how to do it.  And worst of all...I feel like I'm the only one getting this, "call to arms."  So...I'll be bearing this burden alone....

My apologies to all,

     I have been away far too long and I don't even know where to start.  Long story short, Kelly and I were dating for the last eight months, and it pretty much went to shit.  Beyond that, I'm back in school and moving at an accelerated rate so I should be getting my Associates at the end of the Spring 2009 semester and moving on from there.  I also added Sambo to my list of martial arts.

     Recently I attended Grappler's Quest in New Jersey with my Sambo team.  I got up at 6am and made it to Morrisville, NY at 9am.  I sat there for 10 hours...and then lost in the first round.  All that for nothing, 10 hours of waiting, $100, and then nothing.  To make it worse...my entire team lost in the first round.  Not a good day for Sambo.

     Will update as we go...and I will be back.

Sorry for the hiatus in my posts...I was away on um...personal business.  :)  So let's kick this pig!


     So I now suddenly remember why it was that I had left Brookstone in the first place, because their leadership is lacking and the people in charge...don't know what the hell they're doing.  "When in charge, be in charge."  That's all I really have to say about that.  But otherwise it hasn't been so bad...I get paid to walk in a circle and pretty much do nothing all day.  Not that bad I guess.  I have 2 sales associates...one is the other manager's Niece Vanessa, and the other is my friend Holly.  I was a little upset that Holly wasn't picked up as the key holder and she is being paid less than what I wanted her hired at.  Oh well...maybe I can have her bumped up in a few weeks as the holiday approaches. 

An epiphany...

     I've decided that it's time for me to stop blaming myself for other people's shittiness.  You're fucked up...that's your problem...not mine.  I think maybe I should really start saying what's actually on my mind to people when they act the way they do instead of trying to be gentleman-like.  I could be wrong and it very well could be a terrible idea.  But on the other hand...I think most people are a waste of space, so maybe they deserve to hear about it.  I can think of a few people I would like to beat over the head with a sock of wet drippy sarcasm and angst.  But I'll wait until they say something stupid worth posting about later.  Which shouldn't take long at all....

Amazingness

     So I went to a "Halloween" dance/party that Christina invited me to...which I have to say was horrendous at best.  I got there with a friend, and we walked in...and shortly realized that most of the people there were at least twice our age and only a few people were wearing costumes.  If...

People + Costumes = Halloween Party

Then...

People in their 40's and 50's + No Costumes = ???            You guys figure it out.

Continuing at the party...I met up with Christina and a few of her friends...and we all agreed that the place sucked big floppy donkey dick.  So we hung out and I stayed on the dance floor most of the night.  If I was going to be there...I might as well be dancing.  And that's where I met Kelly.  Black dress with a red corset.  Standing about 5'10" and carrying a flog.  And it just clicked from there.  We went from the dance floor to the art gallery (a shitty excuse for a gallery) and talked for a little bit.  We hung out for a few hours afterwards in my car until sunrise, and then I dropped her off at her car.  All I have to say right now is...PURRR.  I'll be going to visit her mom in Florida sometime in January.



December!!!

Friday December 7, 2007 @ 7:00pm  (1900hrs EST).

I will be fighting a Full Contact/Samba event at the Plattdeutsche Park Restaurant.  

1132 Hempstead Turnpike, Franklin Square, NY 11010

General Admission is $45 at the door, $40 in advance
Ringside is $65 at the door, $60 in advance
VIP Tables (10 people), are $130 per person (Includes 3 course meal, dessert and open bar)

To order tixx in advance call (516)742-5445


Come support your hometown fighters!!!

Heh, today was great...went to Roosevelt Field Mall this morning for work.  And got my ass completely lost trying to find the place I was supposed to enter at.  I got paid for 7.5 hours of absolutely nothing.  The only thing I did today was go over last year's numbers with the manager I'm going to be working with.  And we went over a few things about the kiosk I felt he should know.  This should be really interesting.  The goal for the kiosk is about $120,000...we got $108,000 last year because we didn't know what the goal was.  We should definitely hit it this year.  And we should definitely win another contest this year as well...hopefully there will be an audio contest like last year.  That would be awesome if we took 2 in a row.

Other than the above...the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. 

So yeah, strangeness going on...it must just be that time of the year.

Anyway...fuck it all...lets roll.

Overnight shift was great until 6am.  I fell asleep on the couch for an hour, and the alarm phone rings (625am).  So I go to wake up the rest of the crew...who apparently left at 6am without telling me.  So I page out about 5 times, and only find an ALS Provider...no ambulance.  ALS goes to the scene of an elderly female with chest pains...and I have to tell MedCom that I have no crew.  So Halesite took over.  Fantastic...I hate giving away calls to mutual aid...especially when I HAD COVERAGE!!  Btw...why does everyone have pagers if they aren't going to respond to calls?

Went out on Friday to what I was told was a costume/Halloween party in Lindenhurst.  So I head over to meet up with some of my friends...and behold.  People two or three times my age, only a couple people wearing costumes...and it was definitely NOT a Halloween Party.  Way to go guys!

On a more positive note, I start work tomorrow.  It's sad when you're actually excited about going to work...but I am anyway.  And next week, I'll be working in the exact same spot as last year!! Woohoo...right in front of Hot Topic!  Although my friend Holly might be leaving HT and getting a job as a copy-editor in Huntington...oh the irony.  I get a job in front of her store...she leaves the store and gets a job right by my house.  Good luck to her anyway :)

Still trying to decide on my new piercings.  Tongue or nipples...hrm...maybe I'll do both.  Maybe I'll even do suspension rings...eh who knows.

I'm actually looking forward to the 22nd...I get to go back to work as a manager.  :)  Yeah...I know it's sad when you're looking forward to going to work.  But hey, it makes me busy...and it pays my bills.

In other news, I might be getting a new Dom!!!  I'm really excited about it, I have to talk to someone that I was referred to, either tonight or, at some point during the week.  Hopefully he'll help me find a good one, near me.  I'm looking for one that's within about 25 miles of me.  *purrs*

more to come later!

 23 year old male, self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.  0006hours

Hi body lay quivering there and he was struggling to breathe.  Completely unresponsive to any stimuli whatsoever.  We struggled to get an airway into him, and started ventilations to breathe for him.  He was airlifted to Stonybrook Trauma center...his odds are not good.  In my mind I wanted to be able to do something for him, but the reality was that the damage was already done and there was nothing more to do.  He was only 23 years old.....


Nothing in life is ever that bad.  I don't care whether you know me or not.  I don't care whether we're friends or not...if you ever need someone to talk to, find someone...I'll even talk to you.  This is not a way out...

Today was boring, that's all I have to say about that.  I worked in the Ceramics lab and made another pot, sanded my lilly...which I really wanted to just give away so I didn't have to look at it.  But I figured that there's a reason for its existance, so I'll finish it regardless.  So the tally for ceramics is 6 pots, and 1 sculpture.

Other than that I didn't do shit today.  Worked on part of my screen play, can't really decide if it's going to be a screenplay or if it's going to be an actual play.  *sigh*  Decisions...

Sand falls through my fingers
Time eludes my grasp
It slips and falls away from me
And mixes with the grass

So I watch each grain escape me
And disappear from my view
And I can't help but stare
As each small speck slips through

And as time progresses
The grass turns to weeds
And the sand turns to ash
And falls like evil seeds

The weeds grow
And stifle out the light
Over time they block the sun
And plunge us into night

Water turns to blood
And a dark moon takes the skies
The stars fall silent and dim
And the world falls before my eyes

My demons become my friends
And my angels recoil in fear
And the darkness holds me tight
And wipes away my tears

And in my anger I tear their wings
From their saintly backs
I tie them to the blood soaked ground
And pour acid in those wounded cracks

For if I am made to suffer
And wander alone again
Then so shall all others
Also share my pain...

It's true this angel has fallen
So far from any grace
And now blood and anguish
Are stained upon my face

So I'll tear apart my wings
And embrace my darkened love
And I'll turn up to towards the heavens
And curse all that are above

And I hope there is a God
And he can hear me way up high
Because if me means to kill me
I want to see him try

And may the heavens shake
And hell unfurl
And the people live in terror
As I release my wrath up on the world....

Call comes in for a motor vehicle accident.  I call in and respond to the building and get in the ambulance.  Upon arrival there are two vehicles.  A minivan that with an injured woman and her child.  And a Mustang about 60 meters down the road with both passenger side wheels torn from it.  On approach towards the Mustang, there's debris all over the place, it hit a telephone pole and hit the curb about 25meters after that and then came to a rest.  The skid marks show that it spun at least 4 times.  The three people in the Mustang were completely uninjured despite the fact that most of the rear and passenger side had practically disintegrated.

I go to the minivan and there's a lady and her son sitting on the side of the road.  She's complaining of back pain and neck pain and shaking from the cold and from the precipitating events.  After I checked her out I put a collar on her and a blanket that she had.  And I sat with her and her son, holding her hand until the other ambulance arrived.  When we finally got her onto a stretcher and into an ambulance she wouldn't let go of my hand at first, and then the last thing she said to me before I got out was "Thank you".  Just a simple thank you.  I know it sounds cheesy, but those two words made me feel so much better about everything that's been going on over the past 24 hours.  For anybody that hasn't been there before I don't suspect that you'd know the feeling...but if it ever happens to you...just a few words make all the difference when you hear them.

 I really wonder about humanity.  I know I talk like I'm not a part of it...but I don't feel like I'm a part of it, I haven't since Middle School...

To give others a forewarning about myself...I am hard on myself.  I punish myself more than any other person on this Earth ever could.  It's why I like being able to correct myself or fix things...because it allows me to offload that burden.

Why is it that people don't accept the beliefs of others.  One person can feel one way, and the next person could feel another.  I've always been accepting of this idea, and I thought it was really simple.  Love at first sight.  I don't believe in it.  I believe in following what my feelings tell me (For the most part), and when I second guess them I get into trouble.  Many people don't believe in the things that I do...but I never hold it against them...people are the way they are, and I have always accepted that as long as it doesn't harm or adversely affect people around them.  But apparently that concept isn't reciprocated...especially towards me.  And people, whether they believe they are or not, punish me because of what I believe in or what I feel.  Why do people get so upset about someone actually caring about them?  Why?  I wish someone out there would care for me as much as I care for most people.  And I wish someone out there would care for me as much as I care for select few people as well.  Those who have people around them often are repulsed by people who care, and those who aren't surrounded by friends all the time...search for those people.  The first group has a plethora of them, and the second group might as well be searching for the great white elk.

In a way it hurts, and yes I'm admitting that things like this affect me because...why the hell not?  I love many things in life, and depending on who or what you are determines where on that scale you go.  I hold my friends very high on that scale...and they know that I do.  They also know that I would protect and defend them with my life if it came down to it.  I hold them highly because they are the few people that have accepted me and took the time to actually understand what I'm about, and above all...they haven't abandoned me because I enjoy my differences.  But it's disheartening because I'm getting to the point where I believe that there may not be someone out there for me.  The repetition of events is a lesson, and it's one I keep trying to ignore and pray to the Gods isn't true.  But I'm beginning think it may be...and now I believe that I might have been placed here without the other half of me.  And that I'm meant to wander as the lone wolf...

I know I'm not a perfect person as much as I try to be as close as possible.  I'm just so tired of being alone though....

So ends another chapter in my ridiculously twisted book.  I really don't know why I bother.  I try to be nice and do things to make others happy.  I try to think up crazy things, or romantic things, or surprises for people in an attempt just to see them smile.  But instead it gets thrown in my face.  Thanks for thinking about me, here's a token of my appreciation *slap*  TAH-DAH!!...welcome to my world.

Here's a stupid question...now what the fuck do I do with that lilly that I sculpted?!  Yeah...I know I sound a little annoyed, but it's just because I think the outcome of this whole thing was a little ridiculous.  Here's a lesson in life, it's called forgiveness...it's the ability to understand that someone has made a mistake because they are human.  I do remember having that conversation at someone point with someone...that I'm going to make mistakes and that I'm human.  I guess that was a load now wasn't it?  LoL  Another idea that I think that people should grasp...the idea of negotiation.  I was more than willing to fix my mistakes and make up for those things...but again....the concept of my humanity must have really been elusive.

Oh well...on to other things.  I had an absolutely wonderful conversation with someone...in which I admitted that I was wrong.  And I apologized for everything.  To make matters worse...while I was being told that I was  dishonest and such...I got hit with the sprinklers while I was on the sidewalk by my house.  So on top of being a little upset...I got soaked as well.  Fucking outstanding...I guess that karma thing was a little too much to ask for wasn't it...so you hit me twice in one shot!!!!  Thanks...

All things considered I think it's rather funny that I posted something about everything not being fun...that way comparatively things couldn't be bad.  Well...that theory is definitely a bust.  But we'll see how it pans out I guess if everything continues in this direction.  

In continuance to my many theories...a theory on humanity.  I've spent many years of my life just asking that people understand me.  Understand that I'm not like other people...I feel things differently.  I see things and experience things differently than others.  I ask that people understand that I'm not your typical person and accept the fact that I don't want to be like the person next to me.  And over the years, my wish has degraded into just wanting people to accept me for who I am, and just accept that I like certain things.  I gave up on the understanding bit a while ago.  So I'm at this point...where I can't even get most people to ACCEPT, that I'm genuinely who I make myself out to be.  That I feel the way I feel, dispite what's considered normal.  People find it difficult to accept the fact that I go out of my way for people, (even people I don't really know)...and just do it because I want to.  Everyone assumes that there's some kind of alterior motive behind my actions.  Like if I buy something I'm trying to buy my way into their lives or something stupid.  If I buy something it's because I wanted to buy something just to make someone happy.  Is that such a hard concept to grasp?  I'm not like everyone else around me...I don't pretend to be things that I'm not.  I don't pretend to care while underneath I really don't.  If I don't care about something...believe me...you'll know.  But you know what...since I can't even be ACCEPTED, even by people that are similar to myself...I guess I should just give up on that idea as well.  Maybe I should be a shit-head to people.  Why not?  They seem to be a lot happier in the long run, and for some reason...people like them anyway.  So the next time I see a beggar, maybe I'll just piss in his change cup.  If there's a group of people behind me in the mall, I'll rush through the door so it closes all of the way.  And if I love someone, I'll beat them and belittle them so that they feel lousy and I feel "powerful".  Yes...the previous statement was all angry sarcasm.

Yeah...I know, people hate that I curse in public.  They detest me because I refuse to dress in khaki slacks and polo shirt.  Or the other group because I buy my clothes from places like Hot Topic, Utopia, Religious Sex and places like that.  People can't accept me as a human being because I enjoy martial arts, which apparently ranks me somewhere around a caged-dog.  People don't like my sense of humor, or that every once in a while I like off color jokes.  Guess what...who fucking cares?  I enjoy things because I enjoy them...not because everyone else did.  If everyone enjoyed the stuff I do our country would be in serious fucking trouble...although I'd pay to see businessmen walking the financial district in kilts.  Yeah, I'm poor...I understand that...but I don't bitch about it.  Money isn't a big part of my success formula.  I make do with what I have, and I enjoy what I have most of the time.  As for being a caged-dog...well...if that's what you see me as then fine.  Just remember that the wolf doesn't answer to the sheep.  I like jokes because I enjoy being able to make fun of life.  I like being able to laugh...despite everyone's best efforts on preventing that.  But hey...far be it from me to stop you.  Just know that, although I have a lot of patience, it's not an infinite supply of it...

Onward....more fun junk...

If it seems that I'm really unhappy right now...then your powerful observation skills are working perfectly...I'm just ever so slightly upset right now.  I'm more upset about the fact that I am surrounded by people that I don't want to date all the time...and I find them by the handful.  But when it comes to people I DO want to date...yeah I can find them....but usually they want to sleep with me and then that's about it.  So apparently I'm nice to look at and fun to play with.  This nice guys finish last bullshit is just getting fucking tiresome.

I'm tired...I'm thinking about going to bed...but maybe I'll just be back later if I think up some more stuff to write about.  I've got a lot on my mind...so as time goes on...more will filter through and there'll be more rants to go with this one.

Actually...I think I just might continue just to fuck with you all.

You know what burns me?  When people say something, and then do something that's (seemingly) completely out of character.  Kind of like saying that you're tolerant of others but nit pick the shit out of everything people do.  Here's another concept that makes me want to strap people to a chair and beat them with a sock of grapenuts.  "You can grow up and be anything you want"...years later...."Why the hell would you want to do that?  It doesn't pay enough.  It's beneathe this family.  If you enlist I'll disown you.  I can't believe I raised a murderer...etc".  You should have explained it to me as a child that I was supposed to grow up into a cookie cut mold of my family legacy.  And yet another group of people which should be tied to a tree and floggered to death with an angry cat.  People who tell others what they can and can't say, or what they can and can't hear.  The last time I checked...these were my eyes, ears, and it was my mouth.  Maybe I was abducted at somepoint and these items were switched...but to my knowledge...they belong to me.  So if I want to see blood, porn...or anything else...who are you to tell me I can't?  If you don't like it...you don't watch it.  If you don't like what I'm doing or saying...go away.  It's that simple...get the fuck away.  Don't stand there and say, "You can't _____ that"...because what I heard was "Hey...do it again".  Thus the end of this rant...more to come later.

Btw...Sorry Holly for cancelling on you...as you can tell...I don't think I was in the mood for six flags...

Hooray!!!  *throws bits of diced babies in the air like confetti*

Most people tell me I'm a weirdo...it simply isn't true.  I have the heart of a small child.  It's on my desk in a glass jar.  -Stephen King-  (Not the exact quote...but it's close enough).

At some point in life we learn to accept responsibility for our actions as human beings.  And with it we learn to say "I was wrong".  And, regrettably, at his moment I was so very wrong...to the point where an apology isn't even adequate to tell someone how I feel.  I made a mistake with someone that I held close in my heart and I hurt her...despite my intentions.

If you love someone, tell them.  Grab them by the hand and look them straight in the eye and say "I love you"...because if you wait, or if you second guess...you will lose out.  I took something beautiful and absolutely amazing and destroyed it because I second guessed everything.  And I wish to the God's that I could take it all back and do it over again.  But life, and especially love, is not a game...there are no extra lives, no continues, and there's no reset button.  Only people...and what they share with each other.  And when they stop sharing...the bond they have stops existing.

...I know that in general that my karma has been horrible.  But if I could just get a reprieve this once....and have another chance to do it right...I would be forever grateful....

Wow...talk about a rollercoaster of a day...

I got fitted for my new EMS gear, which makes me look like an overgloried FIRE FIGHTER.  To make things interesting Dom was there.  Yes...the really Irish guy from the other night.  And he wanted to know why I wasn't wearing my kilt today.  haha haha haha...*cry*

I went home for a little bit to relax after that, and was supposed to give a file to one of my father's partners at 3pm.  It was 330pm, no knock on the door and no phone call so I called my father and told him I'm going out on a call.  I got yelled at.  Ha...Like I'm hanging around the house for hours because his partner can't 
figure out how to be on time.  Sorry...if you say 3pm and you aren't there by 330pm, it's your loss...not mine.

I get to the squad building, and I find out that I was part of the crew of the month.  My crew had a CPR save a few months ago and we were voted to be the "Crew of the Month".  :)  That's 2 crews for me, yay!  LoL

I go out on a call, and end up going to a person that I knew from middle school.  It was one of my teachers and her husband wasn't feeling well.  But he actually wasn't doing too badly, and it wasn't that bad of a call...we just put him in the ambulance and drove him to the hospital.  We get there and I noticed that my eye had been bothering me for a few hours, so we get the patient set up and I ask one of the doctors to take a look at it.  Apparently I have some scratches and abrasions on my cornea...wondabar.  The doctor gave me some eyedrops and some antibiotic eyedrops (No charge :-D ) and we went back to the station.

And now for the most upsetting part of my day.  I have this idea that was firmly implanted in me as a child...the only person responsible for someone's actions is that person.  A person I was friends with for a while had been messaging me back and forth about how she wanted to date me.  I told her months ago that I wasn't interested.  So about a week ago she leaves me an ultimatum in the form of a small novel about how I have to date her or I can never speak to her again.  I tried telling her that I didn't want to date her and I really didn't want to lose her friendship over this and that she was being a little ridiculous.  Again she tells me that I have to date her or we can't speak.  So again, I told her that I wasn't interested in her beyond a friend and asked her "Why would you risk losing me altogether over this?"....Her message today.  The fact that I won't date her is "driving her insane" and she cut herself because of me.  I am always looking out for my friends...and despite that I believe that we are responsible for ourselves, it hurt me in a way I can't describe when she said that.  The hardest thing to do in life is the right thing...is the right thing to ignore her, or help her?  If I help her will it do more damage...if I ignore her will it help her improve?

Between a lot of my friends and I...I bear the burden of leadership.  And unfortunately, one of those burdens is knowing what choice is the right one, and when it's the right time to make it.  I know my friends look up to me, and I always try to do my best not to let others down...but it's times like this that really strain me because the choices before me all look equally shitty.  Anyway...I'm off to dinner with my EMS crew...maybe some food and a little time will help...

Other than that, things have gone pretty well today.  Tomorrow I'm going to Six Flags :)  woohoo!!!  And monday I'm probably going to go back to Post to check on my status and check on my claywork.  Hopefully they'll be dry enough to put in the kiln soon.

MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU!!!

So, I was sitting around this afternoon after I got up and realized how boring things really are sometimes.  But it's always boring after you do something which is a lot of fun.  So I've determined that bad things only exist when you have fun.  By this logic, I could eliminate all bad and boring things by not having fun anymore.  Sound like a good theory?  Or I could eliminate the above by ONLY having fun.  Hahaha!!!  I must put my evil plan to work!    (For those of you who don't know...this is called sarcasm).

Last night was amazing, there was a rough spot in the middle but got smoothed out as the night went on.  I got ready and did my hair and make up, put together my outfit and went to Bongo's.  I met up with Chris, John, and a few of my other friends from Metasin.  And I got to meet new people *purr*.  I also met up with Keira and Haven later on, and hung out with Haven for a while.  I spent about 65-70% of the time dancing...which unfortunately led to my facepaint ending up all over the place.  I looked like a really sad fucked up clown by the end of the night.  I have a picture of it that I took when I got home (5am)...it's hideous...but was fun too.  LoL  I took the blue out of my hair and got as much of the paint off as possible and went to bed.

Upon awakening this morning: 
1.)  I was still tired.  
2.)  I was disappointed that there was nothing going on today, until later on tonight.
3.)  I had so much fun last night that the silence around my house is KILLING ME!!!

Salvations:
1.)  My cats
2.)  My car
3.)  It's a nice enough day that I can figure something out after 3pm (Hopefully)

If anybody would like to save me from my boredom by all means be my knight in shining armor...or maybe a shining chainmail bra and thong...idk.  JK!  Anyway...yeah...boredom sucks big floppy donkey dick.  Can't wait for tonight.  I get to see my friends from my EMT class that I haven't seen since this summer.  Hoopshoppa!!!

      So I'm on my way home from CW Post...and my pager goes off for an unconscious female patient.  I'm almost to my town so I call in and let them know that I'll respond to the scene.  I arrive, and jump out of my car...and then realize that I'm wearing a kilt.  To make things worse...the ambulance arrives just as I do and the driver is Dom.  Dom is a 50 year old man born in Ireland.  Awkward!

Where to start off for the past few days....

          I've been spending a lot of time at CW Post trying to get things squared away for the spring semester.  I've handed in my paperwork and my essay to the Academic advisors...now all I can do is pray to get in.  Because lets face it...my grades prior to this, (except for my military tests and EMS-based tests), are craptastic.  I also took the CW Post EMS test last night, which was pretty easy...I enjoyed the part about filling out the Prehospital Care Report (PCR).  All you have to do is fill in the blank spots LoL.  After the test I talked to the head of the EMS department and she told me that there's one spot open for the spring semester, and it's only open to people who are students.  So I have to accepted in order to even be considered.  My interview is in November, and hopefully by that time I'll have been admitted to school.  If not...then all of this work was for nothing, and that would really piss me off.

          The other reason I've been going to CW Post is so I can work in the Ceramics Lab and do some claywork.  My friend Jackie is a Master of Fine Arts Student there so she's constantly in there doing work.  I've been trying to help her with one of her projects recently because the workload is ridiculous.  She had this idea to make a small pile of leaves out of clay...and her professors loved that idea.  So much that they now want her to make that pile 10 feet high.  To grasp this I want you to think of how small a leaf is, and then imagine cutting, shaping, drying, and firing all of those leaves.  As I said...Ridonkulous.  I've also been working on some of my own stuff there (I'm not an art major).  She's been stressing out really badly though over a lot of things, and as much as I've been trying to help her...I can really only stand to listen to people flip out so much.  (reference to my last job)

          I learned how to use the wheel and throw pots, so I've been spending time teaching myself how to make them better.  I'm actually not doing too badly, I've made about 5 small ones...but I want to be able to make one big one.  The clay pot thing has been hilarious at best though.  So far I've collapsed/destroyed about 15 pieces in the process of trying to learn how to do this.  The best incident so far has been one pot flying off of the wheel and landing square in my lap.  I did make 2 really good ones out of the 5!  I burnished one of them and I don't know what I'm going to do with the other...I hope it didn't collapse overnight.  Anyway...Onward

          A call goes out this morning, around 530am, for a male laying unconscious in the middle of the road.  I jumped out of bed, and ran out of the house...and got to the scene as quickly as possible.  Upon arrival there's a police officer walking around with a flashlight.  "Where's the patient?"  Officer replied, "Can't find him...call's unfounded".  So I got home and went to sleep, and my pager woke me up again for the same call.  So I got up, but as I got up I heard the dispatcher correct herself and say that the call was cancelled.  *sigh*

This is being made just off the top of my head so bear with me...(and yes it is a song).

One step to eternity
One step away
One step to infinity
And one more into the fray

Your words are poison within these veins
No matter how hard you try
You'll never see my pain

So curse and shout til your face turns blue
Cause all it really does
Is push me farther from you

And maybe you don't care
But maybe you do
And maybe you'll be sorry for what you put me through

One step forward
Two steps back
One step to the drawing board
And over to the side to avoid another one of your verbal attacks

Sorry to upset you
But control is mine
And no matter what you say I won't play the fool

Sorry to disappoint you but I can only be me
And even with your threats
It's all I'll ever be

A disappointment in your eyes
But a fighter in mine
And I'll fight tooth and nail through every one of your lies

One step to the door
And one to wisen
One step two steps three steps four
And one last step to take me over the horizon...

Wrote this a while ago

Somewhere out there
I stand as one
I don't know who
Or where I am

And somewhere in the distance
There must be someone
Who know who
And where I am

But all I see is emptiness
And there is no one
Empty houses
Empty streets

So I walk alone
And I'm the only one
Who's out here
While the sun retreats

Somewhere in the reddened sky
I call out to someone
I don't know who
Or where they are

And then out of the dark night sky
I hear the voice of one
Stay away
Because we don't know who or what you are

Somewhere out there
I stand as one
I don't know who
Or what I am
     But I know that I'm lost
     And I just want to be home again. 

So yeah...awkward day...

I went out and bought this green kilt that I saw the other day...I absolutely LOVE it.  Apparently so do a lot of other people from CW Post...and all over Long Island.  I even had a girl come up to me and give me her number while I was at Taco Bell.  Who gets hit on by girls at Taco Bell??!  And since when is a kilt a hot item...especially on me?

I understand that they can be cool...in fact...they are cool.  But the sudden flow of girls was absolutely...fucking...ridiculous.  Every other day of the year nobody even looks at me...but put a kilt on me and I become Don Juan?  Fuck that!

Anyway...today was pretty good.  I got covered in clay because I was teaching myself how to use the spinning wheel.  I absolutely destroyed 6 whole bricks of clay.  At one point I was doing really well and had an awesome looking pot...and then it warped a little...broke...and landed in my lap... *cry*  I did learn how to center it though, so I can do that well now.  I just can't get the pots to stay in pot form.  Anybody want a really warped pot?  heh...warped pots for warped people.  Niiiice!!  I've come up with a new store and product!

Tomorrow is going to be my last day at the pizza place...thank the Gods.  In a few weeks I'll be managing a store over in Hicksville, for the holidays.  Then I'll be in school...hopefully  *still crossing his fingers*